Tweed Announces Closing of UFT...

    ...will be replaced by six smaller unions

    EDNN News

    The NYCDOE announced at the Tweed Courthouse that the UFT will be phased out over a 4 year period due to its failure at protecting members. Six smaller unions, will be opened, each headed by a potential successor to Randi Weingarten. Teachers will have a choice as to which union to join.

    The announcement was made by Mayor Bloomberg and Joel Klein with a beaming Randi Weingarten at their side. "We know this closing may surprise some," said Bloomberg, "but we need a union that appears to be representing the members' interests while convincing them our reforms are best for them."

    Each union will have a different theme.

    Eyeglasses Are US will concentrate on frames with a separate enclosed mini-union focusing on lenses. A sunglass unit will open in 2010 in time for the next union election. "We're saving Armani for that time as it will bring in a lot of votes for Randi," said a UFT spokesperson.

    A Dental Plan for You will be a theme-based union that will address issues teachers might have with brushing and flossing. All union members will get a free brush, some floss and a tube of toothpaste. Unity Caucus members will get teeth whitener in theirs.

    GHI Joined at the HIP will provide guidance on how to take out loans to pay medical bills that will not be covered by the soon to be merged and privatized GHI and HIP. "Dont' worry," said a union spkesperson. "Randi Weingarten and Artie Pepper will be on the Board at HIP and will be able to find out the lowest interest rates."

    Avoiding Grievances will address concerns of teachers who may feel the need to file a grievance. Special counseling will be offered a nominal expense until the urge disappears.

    Collaborators UNITE is expected to attract teachers who want to work closely with their administrators. Special departments will be set up covering nodding correctly to express interest while keeping eyes wide open. Meeting Efficacy will be a mini union to assure that those who choose this option can handle attending meetings and professional development without blinking once.

    Head for the Hills will be for the 83% of Teach for America teachers who plan to do their 2 years and head for the hills. Special units on writing a book about their experiences and how to become ed policy wonks will be set up.

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Tweed Announces Closing of UFT...

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